jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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