i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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