i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its not stalking. its research.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
