She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
