I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
