Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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