i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
