trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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