Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Operation Purity has been aborted
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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