Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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