Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
