I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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