Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
