We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize