Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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