he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
