I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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