How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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