I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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