stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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