all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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