Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
