There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
