airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
