Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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