either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
