Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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