The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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