I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
