I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
