if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
