How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
