I hope mine doesn't look like that
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
