don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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