"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
