I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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