im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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