her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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