Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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