Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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