I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
