I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
