Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
