I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
