I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
