Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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