She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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