I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
