either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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