what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
