Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
