Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
