I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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