i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
