Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
