fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I smell stomach acid.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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