Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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