A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
