Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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