He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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