The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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