I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just cropdusted the office
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
