I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize