he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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