Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
